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3 Hidden Costs to Staying Hurt

July 16, 2012

When you’re hurt you want to stay hurt. Feeling sorry for yourself seems irresistible.

Staying hurt is an option. Maybe you’re choosing that option. If so, let’s look at the fine print.

Here are the three hidden costs of staying hurt:

1) Your Dreams

You used to dream. Remember?

Maybe you wanted to become the kind of parent others admired. Maybe you wanted to be a spouse that encouraged your wife/husband to be more than they ever imagined? Maybe you wanted to encourage others to live with bigger faith? You wanted to make a difference.

Right now, can you recall one of your dreams? Got it?

It feels like a long, lost friend doesn’t it?

If you’re still hurt, you’ve stopped dreaming. Why? It’s impossible to dream about the future when you’re so consumed with the past.

You don’t want to forfeit all of your dreams in order to stay hurt.

2) Your Relationships

You may not know this but your friends and family all know that you’re still hurting. In fact, they talk about it when you’re not around. One of the things they discuss is their desire to see you heal.

I know that because being staying hurt impacts all of your relationships.

Have you noticed that certain people avoid you or avoid bringing up certain topics around you? They don’t like the awkwardness that your continuing hurt causes them.

The healthiest people in your life seem a little less enthusiastic about having long conversations with you. They no longer ask, “So how are you really doing?”

Despite your best intentions, your conversations somehow always include your hurt or the people you’re blaming. Later, when you think back on your conversations, you think, “Oh, I wish I hadn’t brought that up again!” You’re hoping your friends haven’t noticed. Believe me, they have.

When your friends mention the person who hurt you in a conversation they feel the pressure to use disparaging words, use a disgusting vocal tone, or roll their eyes. If they don’t, they fear you will question their “loyalty”.

As you continue to hurt, it feels like all of your relationships have changed. They have.

Your friends and family will be patient for awhile.

Warning: If you stay hurt, you will force your friends and family members to make difficult decisions about the relationship they have with you. Your relationship with friends and family will suffer significantly.

3) Your Purpose

Imagine a conversation about you in Heaven between God and an angel years ago:

“As I create this little baby in the mother’s womb, I want to tell you about this little baby. This baby has a beautiful smile and a soft heart. I will create this one fearfully and wonderfully. I already love her/him so much. In fact, I would have sent Jesus to the Cross if they were my only creation. At times this young adult will worship me completely. I’m already looking forward to spending eternity together. Interactions with my other creations will eventually cause hurt. After being hurt, my extraordinary purposes will still await. In fact, I have plans to use that hurt to help others. This beautiful little creation of mine will have one hurdle to clear after being hurt. Will they stay hurt? That hurdle will reveal if he/she believes that I can be trusted.”

Your dreams aren’t dead. But, staying hurt will kill them.

Your relationships don’t have to deteriorate. But, staying hurt will destroy them.

Your purposes haven’t been erased. But, staying hurt will squelch them.

Your dreams, relationships, and purposes are all at stake. The hidden costs of you staying hurt reveal that it’s a bad option.


From → Family, Leadership

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